Dec. 13, 2020

2 - Life after Coronavirus


CORONAVIRUS CORONAVIRUS CORONAVIRUS 

The most talked about topic of 2020. 2020 is the year that we all re-confirmed that most men in power are a bit of a fraud. The world pretty much collapsed and there will be a ‘new normal’ on the rise. But what does all these mean to tissues companies, tourists and the most important thing - what will happen to fuckboys?! 

 

 

Transcript

CORONAVIRUS CORONAVIRUS CORONAVIRUS

You know. It was way too good for us. We were having the best time of our lives. It was 2019. We had the first all women spacewalk, the memes from Cats were absolutely incredible. I went to Japan for the first time and discovered electronic toilets. (No big deal I’m bougie like that)

Love island is breaking America. The love island USA. We all panicked over the Starbucks cup in Game of Thrones. We then saw the first image of the black hole ever. There was an Area 51 raid, there were people dressing as aliens to greet aliens, which is the exact equivalent to saying Ni Hao to every Chinese looking person you see on the street. It was never going to work, and that’s just plain rude man.

And to be fair we did have a lot of warnings. The Avengers literally showed us over a 20 part movie what would happen if we don’t listen to scientists! 

So it was only a matter of time that mother Nature tells us enough is enough, “go to your rooms and just stay there” Which is what we know today as the Lockdown. 

We have the most advanced technology ever in human history, nowadays a 3 year old can probably work an iPad fine, play animal crossing, even buy their own nappies and could and probably are earning six figures on TikTok whist doing those things. It’s like we are using the wrong things on the wrong things. See what I did there. 

And by the way whoever said technology can run the world and replace paper entirely, obviously haven’t thought about the Coronavirus because obviously they haven’t tried to wipe their bum with an iPad. 

I feel like the more we know and we understand about the world and about ourselves, the less important a lot of things got. We really only cared about the great holidays people go on, what mansion did Selena Gomez buy and who has the newest iPhone.  

And these things really does shine a light on our flaws more than anything. The fear we are not good enough, and we felt so disconnected to everyone.

I do miss 2010 when the only pandemic we had was the Bieber Fever.

During Lockdown 

There were no more social events. You don’t have to go to Karen’s brunches anymore, you don’t have to go to another baby shower. Everyone is just minding their own business and keeping a good distance. Finally, the world for introverts and nerds. 

Social media I felt has kind of kept us slightly sane, they were really the true heroes during this time. Medical staff and key workers obviously are the heroes too of course, but they do need instagram really to see us clapping right, so It’s like you know who came first, the chicken or the egg. But of course social media is a double edged sword. I think we can all agree on that. But boy, did it come in handy. 

Imagine if we didn’t have social media today, we would only get the news that’s on the telly right now. And I have tried watching it and I have decided that I hate it . I just want to cry when the news is on. They always start with Good Evening and basically tells you why its is not Good Evening.

Whereas social media were the only ones who gave me Good Evenings!

And here are some examples of a Good Evening a great evening my Instagram has given me in the form of memes.

This was when they were just started to cancel sports, and this meme goes:

Day 2 without sports: Found a young lady sitting on my sofa yesterday. Apparently she’s my wife. She seems nice. 

The Episode of Black Mirror sucks.

I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to change my Netflix password so my ex can’t use it anymore, it doesn’t really get much better than a national lockdown when she gets to the last episodes of You. 

And finally not to mention, The Wembley Lasagne. 

For those of you who have not heard about the Wembley Lasagne. It is basically a random guy in England who got sick and tired of those messages going around saying her cousin’s stepdad works in the parliament knows this inside information right. So what he did was that he made this fake message saying that the British army is going to use the Wembley Stadium to make a Wembley sized Lasagne because Britain is going to run out of food soon. Britain, key word here is that Britain apparently is going to run out of food, and at this point they weren’t even in lockdown yet. Everyone volunteered to help on Twitter. It got to the point it was so bad that the FA the actual Football Association had to come out to say the Wembley will not be used to cook a massive Lasagne. Top form British Humour. 

After Lockdown 

During this lockdown period, I think it has given us all a lot of down time to really start to reflect and realise what is truly important and what is truly real nowadays. And I have come to the conclusion it’s just probably basic human interaction, you know just things like saying thanks to bus driver when you get off, holding the door for someone else who is right behind you and saying good morning to your neighbour whilst in the lift. It may seem strange at first but I promise you, you would feel so much better for the rest of the day. Let’s just be nicer from now on, let’s just be nicer to everyone you see. 

And there I say I have been thinking about life after the virus, what it would be like, what would the new normal be like. I know, ambitious stuff right, what can I say, I am a hopeful person, slightly depressed but hopeful. 

There is no doubt the world for sure is going to change, our behaviour is going to change, the way we see things are going to change. We are going to appreciate things hopefully a bit more. 

I for one now will absolutely clap when the plane lands. I used to hate those people, but I get it now. I guess I was just very ungrateful. I want to be, I pledge to be one of those people. 

I can hear the DJs now going “If you survived the COVID-19 make some mother fucking noise! *DJ NOISES* *PEWPEWPEW*

I also predict that fuckboys will become extinct. Just like all the events in the world, they are just cancelled. It is finally the end of an era for them. They have had a good run but that’s it boys, sorry, this is the end of your era.

Could you imagine what they are going through right now. Some of them still probably risking it and text “wyd, dtf?” *Aubergine emoji* *Winkface emoji* *Devil emoji* But sorry mate, I think you are going to need a bit more personality and charm now. You are at least going to have Zoom date and hear about their day doing absolutely nothing for the past three months.

The worst possible time to have first dates. I mean their pick up lines must be like: 

“You can’t spell virus without U and I baby” 

“I like my women how I like my virus, easy to spread”

All the girls out there are like:

"I'm just a girl, standing 6 feet away from a boy.  Asking him to maybe move back another foot. Thanks.” 

The fuck boys are coming out of quarantine into a completely different world, because girls and people in general are finally going to appreciate nerds! I  mean these nerds and geeks in the background have just been chilling the whole time in their room thinking “what’s the fuss about?” What you gotta do just stay in your room and play with yourself, whilst picking up all the tissues by their beds. 

And the girls are like “Tissues~” “OMG 2020 FLEX” 

Guys it’s okay to have alone time. Your body count doesn’t define how cool you are. It is okay to feel stressed and stuck sometimes. It is okay to want to be at home, it just means you got a nicer home, enjoy it. 

We live in a society where being average is seen as a failure. We always always have to live a better life than our friends and our families. We always have to compare our lives, our milestones. We live in a world that being a Basic Bitch is basic. But maybe being basic is not a bad thing, maybe being basic is all we need. You know a lot of people keep saying I wish things can be normal again, I wish things can go back to normal. But the question is, was the world really that normal before this virus? Was it where we wanted it to be? Was it actually normal?