Jan. 17, 2021

8 - Dating Someone Who Is (book) Smart


They always say the secret of dating is that you should find someone who has common interests, someone who can make you better and someone who has the same values as you. I have not listened to that advice and here is how it turned out. 

Transcript

My girlfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now. Yeah I know right? Believe it or not, I managed to find someone to sleep with me, willingly. I mean, I wouldn’t go as far as she loves seeing me naked, but I think a man should always be grateful for what one can get. 

I really look up to her. I think she is the coolest girl ever. She’s F-I-T fit PLUS she is really really smart. She’s a straight-A student from a top university. She doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, she’s great with money and she picks up her hair in the shower. What more can you ask for? 


 This girl, she takes care of herself. She puts herself first like she should. Never ever lets anyone tell her what to do and you will never ever find her in an uncomfortable situation. That’s why she’s on the sofa all day.

She appreciates the value of time. She manages her time well. She is always in bed by 11 and wakes up just in time for her bitch brunch. She is very practical, a city girl if you will, everything has to have an ROI. So she doesn’t take up any hobbies unless she can gain something from it.

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone who has so much free time. 

They say opposites attract. I guess that’s true cos that is exactly us. If you have been following my podcast and listened to my last episode - Not Very Bright, you will know that well, I am not very bright. So I, without a doubt, I am the muscle of the relationship. Kind-hearted like Lennie, just minus the height and power. But loyal. Brain size of a peanut, but always give you 110%. 

She likes to fine dine, I love good bangers and mash. She loves dressing up and I rarely wear pants at home. But somehow we just kind of work. Well, we shall see after this episode is released.

And if we really get into it. She is really really BOOK SMART. Academic. But people forget that book smart doesn’t necessary means general smart. They are only smart with what is in the books. This what book smart looks like. 

She can recite you the entire world map in the order of countries of the world population over GDP but will mistake muscle pain after a workout for hunger. 

She is one of those classic smart people who, how should I put this, doesn’t have blessed motor skills. She would get angry at pushing a pull door. She opens cabinets into her knees and will trip on flat ground. Her brain just doesn’t register basic mechanics.

My point is, my girlfriend and I, we just couldn’t be more different. If we were computers, she would have 10,000GB storage space and 1MB RAM. What that means is that she has very low processing power, not able to use and apply, but can remember a lot of things. Things like what I did wrong on the 16th of April, 18th July and something about this morning. 

Where as I would be the other way around. Highly efficient but in extremely niche areas. Like sleeping, I actually once read a book about sleeping and I can apply it very well.

Let me tell you something quickly. A lot of people think being smart/ intelligent is a direct reflection of your education achievement. What school you are in, many A’s did you get. Well, I am here to tell you this might not actually be the case. 

I recently learned that there are 9 different types of intelligence. I think there are also 12 or 3 types, but the BuzzFeed article I read had 9 types, so we will use this as a baseline. 

Which are naturalist, musical, logical-mathematical, existential, interpersonal, bodily-kinesthetics, linguistic, interpersonal and spatial. And I hope to god that I pronounced them right. 

Everyone can behave all different types of intelligence. People like athletes will have a much higher level of let’s say bodily-kinesthetics than the average Joe. I would imagine my mate Mozart will have a high level of musical intelligence.

I think I have a steady level for a few. The boildy-kinesthetics for doing sport in general. I am probably more existential smart. I always liked to wonder, why , why we live, why we can’t stop watching Donald Trump, what is the purpose of life. 

In some ways, Interpersonal intelligence as well. I like to talk to people, I’ve got a good sense of my surroundings. Or in other words, I use a lot of Marijuana. *Smoke weed every day* 

My girlfriend, she probably would have very very high-level logical-mathematical but minus 1000 for bodily-kinesthetics. 

So really if you average it out, who really is the smart one here? 

Dating someone who is very different from you can be tough. It is also very risky. Especially if they are smart. You can never win an argument. Not because you are wrong. It’s because smart people will only get at the fact it’s very likely that you are wrong. They will keep reminding you that you’ve locked yourself out twice, in the same week so you are not to be trusted. Or they ask questions like where your source was from. WTF. Don’t you just hate those people? 

Smart people love their facts and figures. She’s always like ‘There are studies that show 58% of Marijuana users have depression, Research shows that about 1 in 10 marijuana users will become an addict’ They will fact fire the shit out of you until they win the argument. 

Dating someone who is the opposite to you can make weekends pretty difficult too. I have a few different hobbies and interests, like Fifa and sleeping. Whereas, she has no interests and hobbies. I love the beach and she hates the sand. I love talking and she likes to listen. She is calm and polished. And I have ADHD and very minimal eyes. 

But do you know what we have in common? We both know our shortcomings so we both DATE smart. 

The dumb one provides all the laughter and does all the chores and the smart ones are efficient. I basically do dumb shit around the house and she directs from her precious sofa.  

It almost sounds like a communist system. Where she decides everything and holds everything. Everything I own is ours, but everything she owns is hers. She would know the best way to harness my strength to her strengths. She designs the menu and I make it happen. No questions asked and it's all for the greater good. 

At first, sure, it took some time to mould and understand each other cos we are so different. But we work so well together now and we pretty much communicate in just noises. 

‘So what do you think of this one babe?’

‘Hmmm’ - that means - yeah that’s nice 

Or she will go 

‘Hmmm’ - that means - It’s okay I am okay with this option but I am open to look at others 

‘Hm’ - WTF is wrong with you, why would even hurt my eyes like that 

It could also mean that she just doesn’t want to talk to me. 

This is the best bit. Relationships doesn’t have to be ticking off the boxes or look for what suits you best. It’s what kind of person you can be when you are with that person. Surely, the best part of any relationships is when you can truly be yourself. It’s beautiful when you are able to show your vulnerable side, even if those are your worse traits. 

It has to work for only you and partner. And if you force it, you’re going to make a mess, just like a fart. And ohhh I’ve been there, trust me, you don’t want to force a fart. *FART* 

Human by nature is social animals. But because of how social norms have evolved today, and we do what we do best, we put up a wall, we become fearful.

We are taught to behave in a certain way and that expectation are different depending on your ‘profile’. We can never look vulnerable or weak. So we distance ourself, and only to let that few selective people in.

What if that is not true. What if we flip that logic. How about we should just be ourselves no matter what and we is right will just come along. 

Just because you are C or even a U student at school. Which I was. I got a U in Maths A-levels and I am Chinese. And that was a disgrace to the nation.

But it didn’t make me feel like I had a ceiling cap. It just meant I am not good at the subjects at school and that’s okay. We should always be learning about something, school doesn’t stop.  

Grades shouldn’t define your future, number don’t define who you are. How much you earn certainly shouldn’t be reflect anything. 

It’s all about how you treat people in relationships. 

But if you already have found a partner to have pretend Ku-fu fights with you and lets you name her lady parts. 

You must be doing something right. That there is a keeper.